the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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