his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
