dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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