Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
