i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
