If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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