Apparently you make a good broom.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Randomize
