The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Randomize
