it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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