Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
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