I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
