so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
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