Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
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