What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
