I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
