The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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