The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
