it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Randomize
