her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
