I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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