No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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