sorry about calling you the devil all night.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
