you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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