Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
