he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
