i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
The best revenge is premature balding
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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