best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
