I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Randomize
