2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
