Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
