Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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