he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
there is puke in my bra ... again
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