He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
