I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
