I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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