Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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