Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
