im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
