i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
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