best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
