I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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