Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
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