I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
