Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize
