Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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