Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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