summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
