I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
