how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
