just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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