I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
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