I'm lost and stupid without you.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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