Having a random hookup so left but love u
I could make wine with my vomit
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize