i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Randomize
